Good God/The silly things I think

Sometimes,

I think I get jealous of the “bad” things others have done

I think maybe I take pride that I lived so hard, so fast, so young

I think I found my identity in that,

But I’ve starting hearing stories of others that have lived hard as well

Who have lived  differently, made different choices, used different drugs

Some I haven’t done

Had sex in ways and with and how I haven’t

I start to feel angry at this

(but it’s all really fear)

(fear of being the lesser)

(less interesting)

(less cool)

(less lovable)

(less satisfying)

Boring

Then I start to want to do those things

Like it would make us equal or something

Like I’m less than because I lived differently

But in comparison I’ve lived “bad”

But why do I have to be the worst?

And why is it even on that sort of table?

You’ve done things I haven’t

Does that make you worse?

I’ve done things you haven’t does that make me better?

I think it’s unhealthy for me to tie my identity

Into things that I have done

Because I am not superior

Even though my ego likes to feel that way

And I am not lesser

Even though my ego fears you shall perceive me that way

People are different

They do different things

If I am lesser because I have not been this or that type of foolish

I need better friends

Or I need a different mind

People are different

And they’ve done different things

But we’ve all done things shameful and proud

And that puts us on an equal plane

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