How to fall asleep

billow pillow

lay head back

down to rest

leave mind/leave stress

stretch

gospel imma praise him

ALL CAPITAL

imma slay him

my cries for help go unanswered

pollution has no idea what to do with my cancer

start over

billow pillow

lay head down

sink in

make no sound

pray to god

but about what?

give me

forgive me

live within me

dont e-bandon me

~vapor~

why is it been so long since i heard your voice

are you anxiety are you in my toys

are you only there when there is no noise

are you only there when i can’t make a choice

start over

billow pillow

lay head down

swallow water

swallow milk

swallow  pill

swallow sit and smile

obey obey obey

start over

billow pillow

fluff that shit

lay head down and sink in

pull blankets up to chin

adjust accordingly

make sure feet are tucked in

wrap around like coffin cloth

interlace fingers across chest

stare upward

get sweaty

kick out sheets from under feet

think of girlfriend and miss her

think of her next to you pretend to kiss her

roll over

face wall

count the lines

drift off

wake up

hour past

go pee

don’t look in mirror

shut off light

jump into bed

avoid dark space underneath bed

billowpillowtucksheetunderfeetlayheadbackbringsheetuptoneckpulltighttillbloodflowisrestrictedfeelfaceloosingshapeletgo

breathe

stare at ceiling

wish for stars instead of passing cars

look at clock

hours past

count down hours till alarm

close your eyes tight

try to force way into sleep

rollrollrollrolloveroveroverover

look at clock

hour

pullsheetsuptoneck

let out sigh

get up

look in mirror at neck

no red marks

look at white marker painter on mirror

i am loved/i am lovable/i am love

wish writing it/reading it/saying it made it feel true

shut off light

walk to bed

climb in

don’t worry about dark space

billow pillow

tuck feet in

roll to side

whisper three statements

repeat statements

repeat statements

until what is true is known

until what is known is believed

goodnight

 

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