Summer

You probably won’t like this, so please don’t read it

You’ll probably read this, so please don’t hate me

 

I’m preparing for you to leave though. Trying to make it to where my heart doesn’t fall out of my chest with the start of the engine or when you the ground in the plane.

 

I hope you don’t miss me too terribly. I don’t want to be a burden, a nuance, nor a distraction.

 

I want you to live and to experience, to achieve the dreams you have in your mind and heart. You’re made from something special and have dreams that line the seems of the fabric of who you are.

 

So I’m trying not to make a scene, to cry too much, to hold too tight. I laugh when you joke about not coming back. Try to brush it off.

 

But if you wanted to, you could.

 

And if you wanted to, I’d want you to.

 

I’m not here to hold too tight. I’m not here to compromise. I’m not here to chain you to steel bars and have you stay in my life.

You’re not here to make promises. You’re not here to make commitments. You’re not here to stay solely in my life.

 

Does this scare you? I fear you’ll read this and think that these are the millions of reasons why you didn’t want to fall in love. I hope not.

 

I’m not saying don’t go. I’m not even saying I don’t want you to go. Of course I want you to go. I want you to go more than you do, because I know you want to.

All I am saying is that I will miss you terribly, love you fiercely, write to you endlessly, and hope forever that I will see you again.

That’s all.

I’ll survive. Us humans are resilient. I’ll continue to read and write, laugh, play, and think. I’ll work on my books, my magazines, my art, and my poetry. I’ll work on my relationships. I’ll work on my first love. I’ll work well at work and school and play hard.

It’ll all be okay, no matter how it ends. Hearts heal and rebirth, rebirth, rebirth.

 

I’m just saying I’ll miss you.

 

And I hope that’s all fine and well.

 

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